The Big Screen at IIT G

The net had stopped working the night before without any explanations and I was left with only dc to amuse myself. Inspite of all this I was looking forward to the evening as ‘The Dark knight’ was being screened in Auditorium. They had screened Troy the day before…. and I am told all girls and fags of the campus queued up.  Guys  dancing around in skirts trying to poke each other with their spears pretending to lend some masculinity into this outrageously gay movie. Yeah I had better things to do

Anyways I reach the Audi at 7 sharp not wanting to miss the opening sequence and had to wait over half an hour only to be told PAF was being held first. Sneaky bastards these people, assembled an audience for themselves. So I suffer an hour of their incoherent and unsteady jumping around the stage …. with these dolled up jokers as proud as peacock all because they danced on Jai Ho … somebody ought to tell them – Tum Sab GAY HO

After this torture the movie started on the “big screen” which is just another name for the slide board. I went ahead and sat in front trying to make out the words as proud Kapili stood around waiting for somebody to clap because they had won PAF. I am told homo danced for joy and President Obama congratulated them later that evening. The movie secy. keeping in mind the sentiments of deaf people at IIT Guwahati also used subtitles, which was great fun… How else would I know that the – [Engine started] …. [Batman Grunts]  …. [Building Blows Up] …. and [Joker Laughs] Such thoughtfullness really.

Anyways the people sitting around me decide to chatter up every time a good scene is about to come …. “Oh this is awesome” .. “This one is mindblowing”   “Ha hahahah” to match with the Joker’s haha in case anyone didn’t know they had already watched it.

Two hours later despite all the sound faults the movie was still fun… brilliant acting and background score and worth missing your dinner for. As I walked back some people wondered what the fuss was all about this being the best movie on IMDb…. I suspect these are also the people who enjoyed ‘Jhoom Barabar Jhoom’ and other such classic fare from Yashraj. Idiots

Books I read and then regret

I recently came across ‘Delhi’ by Khushwant Singh. I thought I would give it a try since the last book I read was pretty long ago and it was on 10 forces that flattenned the world. I didnt really care for any of those but the some guys who sit across the table and decide whether I deserve to be a B-schooler prefer their wards to be well versed in ‘Current Economic Trends’ and so I thought why not. Halfway through the book I was so bored of Friedman praising the Indians and Chinese, I almost sympathized with the average american joe whose job is now done by Suresh who prowls the telephone lines by night as Sam.

So anyway the last Khushwant Singh book I read was ‘The Company of Women’. It had all the hallmarks of a great read, plenty of the old in-out-in-out coupled with accurate and verbose descriptions of female anatomy. I was touched, same way as philosophical losers are touched by Paulo Coelho. All his books can be surmised by me in one small phrase – Do what you want to do. That’s it, throw in some pyramids, weird voodoo shit, witches, small boys and you get the story.

Anyway off topic again, Khushwant Singh really loses it in ‘Delhi’. I mean I knew the man is a senile lecherous Surd but even I didnt expect there would be eunuchs romping all over the storyline. I read like 30 pages and lost a week’s appetite and 2 nights worth of sleep. “Sick book that is indeed” – as Yoda would have said.

By the way now I am sticking to Orwell and Rand. I like Orwell because he wrote only 2 novels and Rand because its really tough to read ‘Atlas Shrugged’. But I am sure it has good message and 20 years later when I finish it, it would have been worth it.

Dumb Advertisements

If you sat through any of the recent India-New Zealand cricket matches, you would have noticed this. The new Citi-Jet Airways commercial that props itself as a must-have for customers in case :

1. They are stalking a hot bimbo around the airport and she gets away by checking into the platinum lounge of jet-airways.

Subliminal Message ad sends : Stalking is now financed by Banks. Now with the new platinum citibank card, no target is unachievable for perverts. And that bimbo thought she could just get away!!

2. They are a big fan of cricket, have watched legendary matches over the years from stadiums yet are too lazy to go out and watch the IPL final.

Subliminal Message ad sends: IPL sucks

3. You encounter your ex at the airport and have to bear their sad tales all over again while gazing longingly at the first class cabins in the plane.

Subliminal Message ad sends: No message. Its plain stupid. Who wouldn’t want to get away from a loser ? As if Citibank thought of it first…

The thing is these ads are really dumb and having to bear them over and over again makes you irritated after a while. Plus they are alienating their target demographic namely – people with low self esteem by making them look bad eg. the irritating ex. Only people with with such a low opinion of themselves would feel pretty good while sitting in cabin with glass separating it from rest of the airport. Gee what an upgrade!!

This reminds of another massive camapaign of a Bike by Bajaj, starting a few years ago. Perhaps a pic would be appropriate.

The Man among bikes

Now they say Pulsar is DEFINITELY MALE. Last time I checked one male riding another male was the definition of  GAY. And apparently this was what hooked the customers on to it or so Bajaj claims. So next time you see an overdressed guy posing along with his “Male bike”, with leather jackets and all… be assured he is a repressed homosexual.

One ad doing the rounds nowadays is pretty good though.

Scaling the Tit Top

There is a hill about 2 kilometers ahead of the entry of IITG which looks like a mammary gland when seen on a clear day complete with a black rock jutting out right at the top. Naturally being the virile young men we are and having a tuesday off, we decided to put it to good use. So the six of us (me, Vineet, Chand, Neelu, Ballu and KJ) started off from our hostels at 5:30 am with a few slices of bread, boiled eggs, milk and water. The walk from hostel to the foothills took about 40 minutes during which time we debated the names of various hills around the campus. We also had the time to pose for camera at various intervals and looking like we did not know we were being clicked, thereby achieving the “Oh you clicked me” effect. Click on the photos to enlarge.

When we started the ascent, people were walking gingerly for the fear of stepping into human shit. With the amount of people here who practice mountaineering daily just to excrete on the untouched regions, I really don’t blame them. Soon we were up pretty high and had time to pose nonchalantly for a few more photos.

Neelu turns around to make sure people know its him

Example of ‘Oh you clicked me’

Neelu trying to push me out of frame

At the top

Somewhere during that time, the group split into two with me, Vineet and Chand following one path and Neelu, KJ and Ballu going the other way. We kept on moving on the dried up ash ridden path for more time, until our patience ran thin and we decided to climb up doing a bit of good old rock climbing. It was fun, even though we had a few close shaves. I personally prefer it to a greener path as the chances of encountering a snake are significantly reduced. Reaching the top, one of our group got stuck at one point with nowhere to go and we had to form a human chain to let him climb further. In this manly expedition it was the only gay thing we were forced to do in order to save a life.

Sitting at the top we quickly finished our breakfast and then debated what to name this hill. Some people bandied about boring names like ‘Anant’ and what not. Then someone suggested we call it ‘Natasha’, we considered it seriously because it is a very obvious ‘audio turn on’. Until somebody in a flash of brilliance suggested we call it ‘The Tit Top’ in homage to the nipply rock we were sitting on right at the peak. More useless talk followed and we made fun of the losers who stayed in the hostel. Then we made our way down. We had some more time on the way down to click ourselves.

Reaching the road, we congratulated each other on sucessfully reaching second base and made our way home.

Sold !!!

So the Government of India after claiming that it won Oscars for us has now added another feat to its long list of achivements. It has successfully bid for a pair of 100 year old spectacles and hawai chappal from an enterprising American for about 1.8 million dollars. Did I mention they did it through Vijay “Hot calenders and cold beer” Mallya.

But seriously does anyone really give a shit as to whether Mahatma Gandhi’s personal items stay in India or with a private collector. I know I don’t. No wait, maybe the glasses will tell us our future when we look through them and we can use the chappals to spank the asses of non attendees at the parliament. Boy would Gandhi kick ass then !!

And James Otis, the seller, had the balls to tell us to cut our defense spending so as to make a deal. I say make that jerkface stay in a place that is surrounded by Jehadis on 2 sides , commies on one and sea on the rest of it and then ask if his shriveled up scared ass requires any protection or not. If he was so fucking good at budgeting maybe he wouldnt have to pawn off his own things.

Bakarz and why it took so long

Somewhere in the middle of july, I received a ping from Pande saying he was looking for people who could work with him on the second issue of Bakarz. He had read my blog a few times and thought I could crack a joke or two. He asked me if I had read the the FIRST issue and what I thought of it. Out of courtesy for the man’s enthusiasm, I said it was good. I have since retracted that statement and replied to the contrary many a times.

We discussed how to go about making the second one much more worthy of being called the humor magazine. The credit for assembling the team of writers and designers goes to Pande. As the semester started so did the first meeting of Bakarz. I was late and merely listened as Pande zee laid out his grand vision of what Bakarz would be for the coming generations of IIT G. There were many people at the first meeting, some of which got bored and didn’t turn up the next time even though Pande refused to acknowledge they had left. After many more meetings of beating about the bush, discussing what bloggers Pande read, what magazines Pande subscribed to, what books he was currently reading, what he thought of life and what were his plans for his own, slowly people realized the magazine wasn’t going to manifest itself and it was about time we did some work. Articles were assigned and were written. Ironically the writing part took the least amount of time.

Then started the design phase and ideas were put forth regarding how Bakarz should be different than the other magazines of IIT G. We studied the existing Campus mags like St. Stephens ‘Kooler talk’ and ‘JAM’. But since this was supposed to be a color mag, the designing was still in a limbo. Around this time people started getting frustrated at how little progress per meeting we were making and how the core issue of magazine was being neglected. We had forgot not everyone was as jobless as the two of us i.e. me and Pande. The main problem was about finding a designer, the initial designs were rejected with me and Trivedi being in the minority of approvers. Both of us have since come to terms with the fact of not having any designing sense whatsoever. All this while things were not helped when Pande kept underestimating the designing work while going to town about Bakarz’s imminent next week release(revised every week). In the meantime Pande also managed to put his foot in his mouth owing to his big-mouth-little brain combination. Needless to say, me and Chatterji had much fun with that. The issue of sponsorship was also hotly debated. As the sem neared close our desperation grew and we finally decided that  Chatterji and Jassi should take care of the whole thing top to bottom. The designers are apparently “BUSY” people and have a lot of work on their hands. Finally something was made but proof-reading brought its own problems.

In the month of december, the mag took a backseat as the two of us busied ourselves in placements. Once we dealt with that, mag became our focus and finally in the year of our lord 2009, on Jan 7th, me and Trivedi sat in the designer’s lab and finally hammered out all visible issues with magazine (ironing out would be too gentle a term). We also added some last minute jokes that would hopefully not go un-noticed. Then started the work of getting approval from higher authorities for budget. These authorities are rarely ever found in places they are supposed to be. That took some time even as the magazine designs lay with the printer guy all ready to be slapped onto a paper and shoved under your rooms.  The day we got permission also resulted in another re-designing of one article, which if by the way anyone fails to understand, tell me and I will personally decapitate Jassi and Chatterji. All we asked for was one fence and a clock.

Finally to the juniors- make this an annual feature atleast, if not every semester.Again thanks to the team, it was a pleasure working with you people.

I think it would be your hands by 18th february.

What The Hell

There is a reason why Artificial Intelligence looks good only in movies. Take these geniuses for example.

Really ??

On the positive side, nobody can accuse me of being a misogynist , the blog is gender neutral

Pande jee on the other hand is almost certainly a girly little blogger.

hehehehe

Chatterji is dangerously girly at 67%.

Neelu also falls in the category of being girly, a little less than Pande though.

But the real winner, “The Blogger Bitch” is Gaurav Sharda with a whopping 72% womanly content. Dear God Sharda!!! Grab some testosterone before you grow a pair of boobs

Enlarge Pics by clicking for a closer look.