Up at Night in IIT g

July 16, 2008

Bad Week

Filed under: Humour, Internship, Life — Sparrow @ 9:57 pm

So I start my monday morning in typical fashion, getting up late, not taking a shower , missing breakfast and landing semiconcious  in my office atleast 2 hrs late. Nothing wrong with it except that my supervisor assumes its time for bigger and better challenges. So I am assigned some obscure polygon program to incorporate into my simple little matlab algo and ofcourse I try putting it off as late as possible. Everytime my sup. asks , I start blabbering incoherent but intelligent sounding doubts. Until wednesday when I make the first mistake, I take a day off and forget to inform her. In the evening I get a email from sup. asking about my whereabouts and I arrive next day telling her that I had cold. Actually I was lazy that day, but I guess lazy doesnt sound that convincing as a sickness(which it is). So anyway I again put off the work till afternoon which is when the sup. asks me if I want to take some days off (the post below) and I feel that this is a sign that I dont need to work anymore. Then on friday she asks me to show her the nonexistant program which I was suppossed to work on all week and declares that she wants to see some results soon. Hey what about the holiday you were suggesting yesterday ???

Confused I hop on a train and go to Berlin, where I meet some friends. Awesome hosts as they show me around the city, take me to a disco , click my pictures and you know usual stuff. For good measure they also get me fined for 40 euros as THEY assumed I could travel on their ticket in the local train. I leave on sunday feeling lighter after paying for the German Trip and consequently arrive late again to office on Monday. This is when my sup. declares I should positively show her the program by thursday (i.e tomorrow) which I have yet to start on seeing as I am working on this blog now.

I guess now my Eurail pass will go to waste, first of all everywhere I go my family insists I bring back pictures…. guess they want proof that I am actually there. Plus I have already paid 80 euros in fines for no mistake of my own (both times illiterate friends did me in). And now I am recieving deadlines :(

Well thats all right now, seeing as I have a deadline to keep . I tried to be funny but when you have a week like mine its hard to extract humour out of loosing 80 euros and getting notices on work.

July 10, 2008

Take some days off

Filed under: Eurotrip, Humour, Internship, Life — Sparrow @ 6:51 pm
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There are few times in my life when I have been left absolutely speechless, the first one was when I got up to the stage for a debate competition, second when I realized my hair are turning grey , third when I discovered  who killed JFK and fourth was today when my Sup. dropped this line on me out of the blue. “I think you should take some days off for travelling Europe to make your trip more worthwhile”. I was so dumbfounded that I remained standing blocking the lift door and almost causing a fire alarm drill for the whole building.

By the time I had convinced myself that this is not reality TV and there were no TV cameras lurking around the corner watching me getting Punked, she was gone and I forgot to ask for some more travel money… if she is in such a giving mood I might as well extract more out of my internship ;) I have already talked to Choco asking for his advice on how to go about it , yes Choco is the guy who wrote a book on “How to squeeze your Sponsor Dry “. So wish me luck as I try some of his time tested strategies on my Sup. tomorrow.

July 7, 2008

Exercise In Narcissism

Filed under: Eurotrip, Humour, Internship — Sparrow @ 3:41 pm
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If you scroll down a bit and see the lowest widget on the right hand side of this page, you will notice I keep a Cluster Map of Visitors to this site. It shows from which part of the world are the readers accessing my blog. Now I say accessing because presuming that they are reading it might be assuming too much. Nothing really high tech about it, you just have to sign up and give your URL to these people who then track the clicks from around the world.

But its a very satisfying application to say the least. There is nothing like the feeling that not only your gtalk contacts(its pushed down their throats by yours truly) but other people too are actually enticed by this crap. Some might just have stumbled here by accident only to make a hasty retreat, others I guess are lured by the trap of protected posts with the help of an magnanimous friend (read Pande ji) publicising it on their page. Coming back to the map, yeah as you can see I am very papulaar in Europe :D , well Intern season has its advantages. And thanks to those who are reading this in USA and Canada. Yours truly has also made a foray into the middle east with atleast one reader in Dubai(Sheikh Sanganee), India is expected as most of the friends are there. Down Under there are some poor souls who I guess have nothing better to do and then there are the islanders from Singapore and surrounding areas. Now for the surprise visits - Atleast one Chinaman and two Pakistani guys have paid a visit here.

As of yet the Africans, South Americans and New Zealanders havent bothered. But I hoping they will come around as Good Posts attract Good readers, Crap attracts everyone. :D

July 1, 2008

Protected: Disco Night

Filed under: Humour, Internship, Life — Sparrow @ 3:48 pm

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June 25, 2008

Time-wasting Tactics at Workplace (TTW)

Filed under: Humour, Internship, Life — Sparrow @ 7:59 pm
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I am sure you are all familiar with those days where yawns and constant need to surf the net overcomes your hardworking self. But if you are in a place where there is constant monitoring of your actions and there are people around you who might rat you out, chances look grim , dont they? Well not anymore. Here are some of my well researched and tried out formulas that could be carried out with reasonable rate of success anywhere in the world except maybe In Langley :P

1. Dont surf porn. What else is left then , I hear some of you ask. well plenty , and you should maintain atleast some semblance of decency !! you perverted minds..

2. While Chatting, always make a sombre face or a straight one. Frequent smiles and real life impersonations of LOL and LMAO are not going to help you cover your indiscretions. Reason is simple enough…. if you are working , you should be looking sad…

3. Always keep multiple windows open, preferably one in which you actually surf and others which are related to your work. A ratio of 4:1 is a must and 6:1 is recommended. This way your supervisor can get fooled and chances are he wont see the one window where you are surfing for jokes.

4. If you are given free coffee , then take frequent coffee breaks but not very long ones. 15 minutes on one break is ideal, more than 20 and you are on the radar. If you are still lazy , interspread your coffee breaks with toilet breaks. Say 2 coffee breaks and 2 toilet breaks in 2.5 hrs and you have effectively wasted 1 hr out of 2.5. 40% efficiency , not bad eh..

5. Never sit idle , twiddling your thumbs, leering at your female co-workers or just staring at the ceiling. No matter what, your hands should always be on the keyboard or drawing some doodle on the pad but never idle. Sitting idle can fast track your way onto the HR radar and you might find yourself answering some uncomfortable questions.

6. Take long Lunches. Start prepping yourself for the lunch 10 minutes before the actual time (you know , scratch your tummy , take a dump to rid yourself of the breakfast… those kind of things).

7. Dont sit around gossiping with co workers. Your aim is to waste your own time not others. Let them struggle with their own time, while you take advantage of this post. Read blogs, best substitute for books. Read online newspapers , read their editorial discussions , messages from the readers , if interested add your own comments. However is news aint your thing , there are plenty of tabloids to scourge on the net. You can read the latest paparazzi shit on celebrities and wonder how they can be so stupid.

If you have more of these , let me know. I am always on the lookout for new innovations ;)

June 23, 2008

Football Lessons

Filed under: Eurotrip, Football, Humour, Internship, Life — Sparrow @ 4:05 pm
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Euro 2008 frenzy is all around me here. Especially with the dutch kicking ass of the world cup finalists, all Oranje fans are convinced that this their year. I am cheering for the Oranges this time too coz well you know they being the host country and paying for my holiday, it only seems fair. So all was well until I got too excited and decided to test my rusty legs on the football field again before the Germany-Portugal match. I went along with my footballer friend to the field where we met 14 other guys (some dutch , one spanish , 2 italians and one afrikaan). Everybody shook hands and then teams were decided with one side to play with bright green training jerseys. Now I know that football is a round ball that is supposed to be kicked around with your legs , occasionally with your head and you are suppossed to pass the ball to your teammates or put it between the legs of the last guy standing on the opposing side. But I learned a lot more yesterday and the lessons were very painful.

Lesson 1: Unless wearing shin guard ,dont provoke the Italians. I tried and he responded by well placed kick on the shin and thanks to him I am now walking around with a wobbly leg.

Lesson 2: Dont try to dribble for more than 5 seconds. Chances are you will be elbowed in the guts, shouldered in the back or simply kicked in the nuts while you curse your teammate for passing the ball to you. Did I mention there was no refree.

Lesson 3: Never volunteer to be a part of the wall that blocks free kicks. I did and was smacked right in the face with a  lump of smooth rubber travelling at 60miles/hr. Somewhere in my previous posts I mentioned something about a broken nose. Talk of predictions….

Lesson 4: Heading is not a good option if you arent doing it regularly. Apart from being downright ineffective it can also affect performance at workplace i.e. if you are not already underperforming. ;)

P.S- The Dutch have now been knocked out so I m rooting for Turkey now.  They might just do a Greece this year.

June 16, 2008

Average Monday

Filed under: Humour, Internship, Life — Sparrow @ 3:39 pm

8:30 am - Alarm breaks the silence of morning in my room , no rather in the whole neighborhood as I scramble to find it and then slink back into the quilt reasoning with myself that 15 minutes more wont cause a disaster.

9:15 am - This time I get up , draw open the curtains to let the sun or rain or whatever is coming down that day into my room. Then head slowly down to the toilet , taking care not to disturb the peace loving people around me with the creaking stairs and flapping chappals, not to mention the roaring sound of flush , announcing to the whole wide world that I just took a crap.

9:30 am- Pick up the toothbrush , wash it (though I dont need to , hardly any dust , but its a habit I picked up in hostel), put toothpaste and roll it around your dentures wondering at the same time what excuse am I going to put forward for the late arrival to the supervisor.

9:35 am- Head into the warm shower and as the good hot water hits me , I slowly forget about the time until 20 minutes later when I stop doodling around coz its 5 minutes to 10 and I am not even dressed yet. I quickly dry myself , head into the room, put on some t-shirt ,then a sweat shirt and then a jacket, because in a day in nederlands you are never really sure how many types of weather are you going to confront in a day. It can vary from hot sunny - cold sunny- pleasant windy - cold windy - cold hard rain - cold drizzle and so on.

10:05 am- For the lack of time as well as decent culinary skills , break 3 eggs put them into a glass , shake with some salt , I pretend I am James bond and its a dry martini and gulp it down. Then I wash the glass and pour some juice into it and gulp that down. Now I have effectively fooled my stomach into thinking that I just had some omelet and juice.

10:10 am - Saunter out of the house , unlock bicycle and cycle for minutes on a separate lane with car driver actually waiting for you on intersections to cross it. Really respect people on cycle here :D not like in India where you have to get down into the rough every time some car comes by on a narrow lane.

10:15 am - I walk into the Atlas building and avoid eye contact with your supervisor because I am now one hour late than everyone else in the building. But its coffee time so everyone is busy crowding around the machine and I join them after switching on my computer. The coffee is pretty crappy , maybe because its free or maybe the dutch like its that way, the only thing worth drinking is the hot chocolate and I usually take that. A few hellos and how r u’s later I settle in the front of my computer at about 10:30 and the first thing I open is Mozilla firefox and simultaneously open up 3 tabs , orkut , ibnlive and cricinfo. Trivial things like my project work can wait until after I have checked my scraps , devoured the news and read the latest cricket news.

10:45am - I open MATLAB and let it remain, to be switched to whenver I want to be seen as working seriously. Then I open the gtalk and check if anyone has an interesting status message and the usual suspects are Aniruddh , Deka and Bahl with Bahl mostly giving out youtube links. Usually during this time one or other of my friends ping me up to ask if I am going to paris , how much time will it take to cover Amsterdam and if there are any other places to see in nederlands. I usually give out different answers to diff. people and make up storiesas to why a particularly non descript village is absolutely a must visit. This is not to misguide, but just to make this inanely boring conversation interesting and if by chance somebody does end up there, who knows , we might laugh about it later.

11:15am - This is usually the time when my supervisor sneaks up on me unannounced and I hastily close all gtalk conversations and minimize the firefox. Then I give an innocent smile and start babbling nonstop about 2d modelling of …….. and then using the books open in front of me I pretend this work and internship is a life changing experience and my ultimate goal in life has now changed to become a hydrological researcher. Well I know all these emotions on one face sounds tough but it gets easier with practice.

11:45am - Ok enough hard work till now, time to take a coffee break again and try to see if any free event has been listed around the machine. I am in luck , there is a wine tasting event this thursday(free for students) and I make a note in my calender to remind myself.

12:00pm - Its nearing lunch time and I start thinking what am I going to buy for lunch today, considering cash is not used here, I have to buy 10euro chipnip cards to buy lunch and it gets over in 3 days flat. Soups are good but sandwiches are eatable only on certain days. Anyways as the lunch time draws nearer the frequency of chats on gtalk increases which is really frustating because that eats into my precious lunch time.

12:30pm - Its lunch time and I suggest to the other hardworking souls in the room that we should go for lunch. This is always met by “sure” and “yeah lets go” and the german girl takes about 10 minutes to pack up  her laptop and keep it under lock and key while me and the Austrian guy go to the adjacent room to invite the Italian lad. So finally at about 12:45 we descend down the building and depending on the weather go outside or eat in the canteen itself. Now the topic of discussion during lunch is usually the crappy food of the canteen, sometimes stories from our respective homelands and a few lines about the yesterdays match. The conversation is pretty easy to follow as the others are not really super fluent in English, however owing to diff nationalities its the choosen mode of communication. Infact I suspect I have a better command over it than most of them. But while others are talking or making a point I am usually thinking of a funny one liner or a clever repartee. As I am about to deliver this punchline, I am interupted by the mafioso who decides to chip in his with his 2 cents. I mutter a slew of abuses in Hindi towards him under my breath at the same time maintaining the smile. The topic changes after that. But while walking back to the workplace I manage to bring it up again and ramm in the punchline. Bingo… ‘Jhanda gaad diya’ as Sid would have said.

1:30pm - Time to pretend again. This time I open a different book and continue to scourge the net for interesting blogs, stories and anything really just to pass the time. The time after lunch I am seldom interrupted by my supervisor, however if she does arrive I always have a slew of academic nonsense ready to make it sound that the work is really complicated and it would need more of my time to get it done. The next 4 hours is a test of my time wasting tactics honed over 4 years of highschool and 3 years of IIT life and at 5:30 I pass the test with flying colors. It involves spending time refreshing your own orkut account, jumping from scrapbook to scrapbook deriving vicarious pleasure out of reading other’s talk, checking out photos of hot girls if possible(Pic lock thing - I hate that application) and trading on cric-exchange, checking out our anony IITG community for its hilarious content.

6:00 pm - The Mscs and Phds leave at this time generally exhausted with their continous struggle to churn out something useful after a day of simulations and calculations. I on the other hand put on my I-pod, clear out my desk and with a big smile on my face bid everyone good bye and skip out of the building after another funfilled day at my internship.

Reaching home the first thing I do is change my status message to New Post Up with a link to the blog to whore it around coz it hasnt got a decent following yet. I enjoy the rest of the time watching the stats go up.

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