Time-wasting Tactics at Workplace (TTW)

I am sure you are all familiar with those days where yawns and constant need to surf the net overcomes your hardworking self. But if you are in a place where there is constant monitoring of your actions and there are people around you who might rat you out, chances look grim , dont they? Well not anymore. Here are some of my well researched and tried out formulas that could be carried out with reasonable rate of success anywhere in the world except maybe In Langley

1. Dont surf porn. What else is left then , I hear some of you ask. well plenty , and you should maintain atleast some semblance of decency !! you perverted minds..

2. While Chatting, always make a sombre face or a straight one. Frequent smiles and real life impersonations of LOL and LMAO are not going to help you cover your indiscretions. Reason is simple enough…. if you are working , you should be looking sad…

3. Always keep multiple windows open, preferably one in which you actually surf and others which are related to your work. A ratio of 4:1 is a must and 6:1 is recommended. This way your supervisor can get fooled and chances are he wont see the one window where you are surfing for jokes.

4. If you are given free coffee , then take frequent coffee breaks but not very long ones. 15 minutes on one break is ideal, more than 20 and you are on the radar. If you are still lazy , interspread your coffee breaks with toilet breaks. Say 2 coffee breaks and 2 toilet breaks in 2.5 hrs and you have effectively wasted 1 hr out of 2.5. 40% efficiency , not bad eh..

5. Never sit idle , twiddling your thumbs, leering at your female co-workers or just staring at the ceiling. No matter what, your hands should always be on the keyboard or drawing some doodle on the pad but never idle. Sitting idle can fast track your way onto the HR radar and you might find yourself answering some uncomfortable questions.

6. Take long Lunches. Start prepping yourself for the lunch 10 minutes before the actual time (you know , scratch your tummy , take a dump to rid yourself of the breakfast… those kind of things).

7. Dont sit around gossiping with co workers. Your aim is to waste your own time not others. Let them struggle with their own time, while you take advantage of this post. Read blogs, best substitute for books. Read online newspapers , read their editorial discussions , messages from the readers , if interested add your own comments. However is news aint your thing , there are plenty of tabloids to scourge on the net. You can read the latest paparazzi shit on celebrities and wonder how they can be so stupid.

If you have more of these , let me know. I am always on the lookout for new innovations